Weekend wrapup - ON TIME

Imagine that, I'm actually writing about my weekend, week on a Monday! All praise due the blogger gods.

I had a great weekend. My week was pretty good too. Work is still busy but it's been nice to do some of the things my new boss has me doing. She's of the mind that high level analysts should be doing high level work. What this means for me is that I don't have to deal with the daily, trivial work that comes our way. Instead, I get to focus on bigger projects and I simply mentor and oversee the lower analysts work. Also she has us doing more focused work. I no longer have to drive to a different state to hook up a printer. It's not my job. She's working on reigning our duties back in to doing what we do best, nerd shit. Oh and she also called my ideas brilliant!

No exercise for me still. It's pretty much been put on the back burner. I really have no excuse why. I just haven't been exercising nor eating clean. I'm fixing that tonight. After practice I plan on going for a short run. It's going to kill me but it needs to be done. It will give me some alone time away from home. I'll put on my headphones and run in the rain.

Speaking of rain, we've had torrential downpours over last week and into today. This time of year and the weather always has a way of dragging me down. That weather shift from sun to darker days is a killer. That on top of the anniversary of my dad passing sucks any motivation out of my body.

Being the pragmatist (is that a word?) I am, I need to figure out how to work out of my funk. Setting goals in the past worked for me so why not go with the tried and true?

Goals for this week:

• Run twice
• Yoga 3 times 

Set small goals that work towards the bigger goal. That's my motto.

All in all it was a great week and an even greater weekend. Today's motivational quote is this.

"Our greatest weekend lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
-Thomas Edison

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
Thomas A. Edison
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_motivational.html#HDlz4hsm80SgwDd7.99

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/thomasaed149049.html#3cH2EsAuJH59ov8G.99

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/thomasaed149049.html#3cH2EsAuJH59ov8G.99

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
Thomas A. Edison
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_motivational.html#HDlz4hsm80SgwDd7.99

Weekend wrapup

I know, it's late. I had all kinds of plans to do my wrap up yesterday but that fell to the way side. I'm starting to think that it's not a good idea since I can't be consistent. It's not like anyone reads my blog anyway! :-)

I did have a great weekend though. I spent most of it ferrying my youngest around to bjj practices. Lately we've been practicing at another academy on weekends on their invite. Let me tell you...it's so much better. It's organized, structured, and disciplined. It's nothing like his current gym. If he hadn't been invited to train up there maybe we wouldn't know any better. When my son first started training as a parent I loved our current gym. It was inviting and had a great atmosphere. It's very family oriented.

But since training on occasion at this new gym, I know better. You can be inviting and have a great atmosphere but still have some order. My son, on his own, decided that he wants to train full time at the new gym. He said, 'I learn so much more here then I do at my normal gym.' Words of a 9 year old. If he can see it then there must be some truth to it. For the amount of money we're paying, we're just not getting enough value. We're just waiting for our contract to run out before we change gyms.

I haven't been eating right and exercising lately. It's fallen to the wayside. I do think about it everyday though. One of the things that makes it tough is my father in law visiting for the next month. That guy can cook but unfortunately it's not the always the healthiest meal. He seems to be blessed with the world's best metabolism. I on the other hand stay true to the saying, 'A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.' I'm the living embodiment of it. If I eat it, the fat will come. He's only been here for a week so we're still settling into a routine. Once we get there I'll hop back on the horse.

Part of me is still trying to find my 'workout rhythm.' I recently canceled my gym membership because I'm not

sure lifting weights is for me. I've tried Crossfit, meh. Not for me either. I did like yoga. I like the stretching and spiritual aspect of it. Between that and running I believe I can get fit. That's my goal, to get fit. My visions of being buff are out the window. Chalk it up to my advanced age. I'm an old man. Let's face it. Healthy and fit are the new buff.

Oh and I've gone back to planning my day. It really helps. I use a planning app on my phone, Wunderlist, that also has a web version. You can add tasks via their website and it will sync to your phone. I've been doing this for the last week and I've successfully completed 11 tasks this week! Being productive feels really good. I feel all accomplished and shit.

So that's my weekend and last few days. I need to keep reminding myself, this is amazing. If you have to ask yourself 'what' is amazing, it's not amazing enough.

Misinformation, too much information

I know I suck at blogging lately. I've been really busy with work and life.

At work I have a huge project going on that doesn't end until October. It pretty much consumes my everyday work day. The upside is once it's done, I'll go back to be the norm of work. The downside is that I have daily contact with people I normally wouldn't have contact with...and these people can be idiots, alarmists, and generally talk too much.

If you didn't know, I'm a software guy. I make those buttons you click do something magical. Usually I stay pretty far behind the scenes. You have to achieve victory in the lower levels to get to me. I'm like the boss bad guy in a video game only I'm less scary and in 4d. With this project there's a lot of testing involved. They test, I fix. It's supposed to be that simple. Turns out it's not. This week I've had to deal with reports of stuff broken. Guess what? It wasn't broken. The problem is they were trying to test with no valid data. If a report is supposed to capture specific data, you have to have that specific data in the system. Imagine going to a store that's since been closed to buy something. How can you expect to buy something in a store that has no product? After pointing that out they quickly figured it out and they also figured out it wasn't a software issue. In the business we call it an I-D-10-T issue...IDIOT. I can't really blame the users/testers for this. It's a project management issue. Who ever was in charge of the testing should have covered this. It's Testing 101.

On top of this project I'm in the process of interviewing applicants for a few openings at work. That's an arduous task. It sounds simple but it's really time consuming. You have to wade through hundreds of applicants and narrow down the pool. Once you complete that process you have to narrow it even further to those you want to interview. Once you get through interviews you have to narrow further to decide who goes on to round 2. It's a long, drawn out process. We got through the the first round of interviews this week. So what does all that mean? It means I'm in a ton of meetings, interviews, and project happenings everyday. It literally takes up 30 or so hours of my 40 hour week. Good times.

On another note I was at the gas station last night filling up the wife's tank. As I'm getting gas I'm eavesdropping on two ladies' conversation. One lady was talking about how broke she was and how money issues kept piling up. The other lady suggested bankruptcy and said that she and her husband declared bankruptcy. She then proceeded to tell her how it only affects your credit for 2-3 years and after that it drops off your credit report.

NO NO NO!

Banruptcy is on your credit report for 10 years, not 2-3. Is it an alternative to get out of financial issues? Yes but I don't think it's the best alternative. It's a last resort thing. When you have no choice, do it. Until then you plug away.

Maybe I'm just an eternal optimist. Maybe I'm just more motivated than others. But I can't believe in not having choices. I always feel like there's a way out that's better than the worst. I always feel like things turn out for the best, not by sitting idly by, but by going after what you want. You take from life. Life doesn't give to you otherwise.

Despite life and it being busy, life is nevertheless amazing. Remember that.

Weekend wrapup + bonus content

Breaking news: I vacuumed my car last week! It looks brand new! Okay so maybe not brand new but it's certainly cleaner. It made a huge difference in how I feel about my car and how it looks. I never realized how dirty and messy it was inside until I cleaned it. It looks so much better now.

The weekend was pretty good. We were at a big bjj tournament. My son did well. He lost but I take the blame for a good chunk of it. He was up on points and should have just stalled. It's pretty common in bjj to play like that. You get ahead, you protect the lead. My problem was that I coached it like a wrestling match. In wrestling you're aggressive. You go for the pin. In bjj, you don't. It's a game of being patient. The patient player usually wins. You wait for your opponent to make a mistake. Had I told my son to stall once up on points he wouldn't have been so aggressive and gotten caught in submissions. My bad. I'm still learning. It's only our 3rd tournament. He has another tournament in two weeks.

Did I mention that I vacuumed my car?? It's worth saying again just in case.

This morning I waited at the bus stop with my youngest. With my other boys in middle school, he's the only one that rides the bus to elementary. I noticed something ineresting.  There's a main road that splits the bus route. On one side is my neighborhood. On the other side is another. My neighborhood is newer. The other is older.

Judging by the kids and parents waiting for the bus you can pretty much tell who lives where. Some of us drive our kids to the bus stop and just park on the road. Once our kids get picked up we leave for work from there. From my neighborhood there was an Audi, a Saab, and a newer Dodge truck. On the other side there was a Ford Tempo. The kids on our side for the most part were well dressed. The kids on the other side? Not so well dressed. One kid had on rain boots despite the forecast of 80* weather.

On our side, the parents were made up of me, a soldier, and a mom about to go running. The other side a mom was in sweats smoking. Another mom I watched walk from her house to the bus stop. She also had on sweats and what looked like a bad bleach job. In her fenced front yard I saw 5 dogs running around.

The socioeconomic divide was pretty evident. I'm not judging at all. I just found it interesting that based on how everyone looked, you could tell where everyone lived. I'm a nerd.

Rain

It rained last night. It rained hard. I could hear the thunder in the distance. Each thunderous roar told me it was coming.

I love the sound of hard rain. It sounds like a million ants trekking across my window. The staccato pitter patter is soothing. At the same time this type of rain brings back unwanted memories yet brings me back to a time of personal victory.

When my divorce first started it was during spring. We tend to get a lot of rain that time of year. We were in my son's bedroom talking. It had been a hard few years up to that point. We didn't talk much. We didn't even sleep in the same bed most nights. Oddly enough we didn't argue much either. After many years together we simply grew apart. We had 3 kids.

I still remember the scene.  We were in my son's bedroom and I said it, 'I think I want a divorce.' I don't think I was sure at the time that it was what I really wanted. I just knew that we didn't belong together anymore. She wanted a trial separation. I agreed.

The first few weeks were some of the most trying, toughest weeks of my life. I'm a proud father. I love my kids more than life itself. I had to endure days of not having them with me. I remember one particular afternoon I was in the garage of an my house, trying to stay busy. Nothing I did took my mind off how quiet the house was. Finally I reached a breaking point. I simply cried. I don't know how long I sat there and cried but it was a good, hard cry. Not having my kids all the time was breaking me.

After some time I learned to live with it. We settled on a custody schedule. I'd have them for a week. She'd have them for a week. This was the best compromise.

In my off weeks I spent a lot of time reflecting. On Saturdays I would wake up and have breakfast at a little coffee shop nearby. I sat by myself. I wrote a lot. I read a lot.

I dated some here and there. It was interesting. I found out a lot about myself. One woman I dated was absolutely beautiful. She had a son. I found out I have no tolerance for kids with no discipline. That didn't last long. The person I dated the longest was someone from my past. I knew her from high school. I was out one day running errands and ran into a friend from college. She said that her and her friend were talking about me recently. Coincidental timing. I remembered her friend. I didn't know her that well. We had a few classes together but that was it. We exchanged numbers and she said she'd give my number to her friend.

Her friend sent me a text the next day. We went back and forth for a few days and decided to catch a movie. The date was actually pretty good. We hit it off. We had instant chemistry. We decided to go back to my house after the movie. As soon as the front door shut we closed that empty space between two people just before a kiss. We didn't even speak. I took her by her hand and led her to my room. I undressed her and laid her down. It was the first sex I had in months. It was amazing. We seemed to connect physically.

But she had issues. I looked at her issues, trying to figure out how I could help. Then I figured out I had issues of my own. I mean, I knew I had issues. I just didn't know they ran so deep. In the end I decided that I was not fit to be in relationship. It would be doomed. I needed to fix myself. I needed to heal. It was just the divorce. I just wasn't a happy person. I didn't love myself. I spent so much of my life loving other people, helping other people...I never took the time to help and love myself.

I went back to coffee shop and did some more soul searching. For some reason the weather always knew what Saturday I'd be there because it always rained. It's like the rain gave me a rhythm to breathe too. Each breath relaxing me more and more.

Ultimately I found myself. I found a good middle ground for who I am and who I am to others. I haven't been back to that coffee shop in years. I think it's best left as a reminder of those times. I have no business there now.  I'm balanced. I'm whole. I love again. I can only thank the rain.

Weekend wrapup plus a slump

Happy post Labor Day! Had a busy weekend. It was the usual kids, family, running errands type of stuff.

Saturday we spent some time at my mom's house. We all got together to watch the UFC fight and to bbq. Sunday I took my oldest and 3 of his friends to a skate park so they could get some bmx riding in before school started.

The park was about an hour away. Normally when I take them to skate parks I drop them off and come back to get them but since it was kind of far I just stayed there. I kept myself occupied reading for the most part. I did watch them ride a bit here and there when I got out to stretch. It's interested watching them. They could be simply sitting on their bikes and really enjoying it. Just being at the skate park is joy enough for them. I like that. All told, we spent 5 hours there. After they got done I took them out to pizza.

Monday my youngest got invited to another bjj school to prepare for this weekend's tournament. I thought that was cool. My son does not train at this school at all. It's one of the better schools around here. This is his second time getting invited to train there. We met their coaches at a tournament and they were really nice guys. They said they would invite my youngest up to train sometime. Sure enough one day they did. My youngest must have done well enough to warrant a second invite. He did okay. I think the drive may have affected him and the fact that we ate just before he started sparring. He finally picked it up towards the end after a sluggish start. This school has some really high level kids there so the training was great. 

The kids started school this week. It's a mixed blessing. Now they have something to keep them busy but it means less time with them. Most days I work from home and I get to spend time with them. With them gone it's just an empty house.

With Monday being a holiday it's a short work week for me. I'm taking Friday off. No real reason except that I wanted a day off. Actually we were planning on heading to Oregon for a bjj tournament that's supposed to be 2 days long on Friday. That got changed to a 1 day tournament but I kept the day off.

I'm pretty much in a slump. It's all my fault ultimately. I make plans with the wife to exercise and we never get to it. I wait and wait for her to be ready and it never happens. Then I let her laziness drive my own and suddenly it's bed time. I just need to go back to doing my own thing. When I exercise on my own I'm at my best. I'm the only motivation I need.

The other thing that I think is affecting me is working from home. I get less and less motivated. It might be due to me being sick of being at home all the time for work. I know it sounds crazy but I think there's some merit to it. My wife went through it. She was a stay at home mom for about 3 years and finally got tired of it and got a job again. It wasn't as if she wasn't capable of finding a job at the time, she just wanted to try staying at home. Luckily she found one quickly. Having a master's degree kind of helps.

Bitching without any intent on fixing what you're bitching about is...well...bitching. Plain and simple. So here's my plan. I'm going into the office tomorrow. I'm going to vacuum my car tonight. I'm going to go running. We'll see how I feel after I make some changes.

I'll leave you with a video for inspiration.